Complete Transparency The Jonah response to God’s calling is a common trend we can all suffer if we do not heed His calling. This may be the hardest article I have had to write. I am going to approach this with complete vulnerability and openness. My attempt is to take you through some of my darkest times as a young married man and share with you doubt, fear, and stubbornness on my part. This may feel like a Jonah themed story, but to that point, we share many similarities. We both ran from a calling that culminated through selfish ambition. Taking it Back Before the Jonah Calling Let’s take it back to 2013. I was about to marry the woman God put in front of me. To be honest, I was not quite ready to be a leader and had little zeal for God’s plan. See, God had put a burden on my heart for ministry back then, but I fell into a financial trap of selfish thinking. We may need to take this back a little further. As I’m writing this, I can think back to God’s calling a bit earlier. At the age of 21….. wait God, I’m still not telling it right?! Okay, okay, okay….. at 13 years of age, God called me to Him and I answered the call to salvation. I began to ask God what to do with my life, and He put ministry in my heart. I longed to be a pastor, a shepherd, a leader. I was young, and I cared a lot about what others had to say about it. So, I let my friends talk me out of it and I began to chase the flesh rather than what God had for me. I did well in my walk with Jesus at the time, but I constantly fought the calling He put before me. It even got to the point where I no longer felt the desire to preach. Let me tell you, if you run from God, His calling can fade. This is because He wants a willing heart, not an opposing spirit. As I slipped away from God, I started to notice I craved more from what people thought of me. I found satisfaction in other’s opinions of myself. My life started to feel empty, I became depressed and almost sought suicide. The Jonah Experience in Running from God’s Calling During these times I did a lot of things I am not proud of doing. I became sexually active before marriage. I got a high off of using money and spending it to gain friendship. Even to the point that I stole my parent’s money to do so. I was going down a path that was extremely dangerous. What’s worse is that I shut off all godly counsel and I stiffened my heart away from any authority on my life that wasn’t me. I thought I had become my own master. But praise God, His call didn’t stop there. It’s hard to describe, but have you ever experienced a distant sound that’s almost unrecognizable? You can’t quite make out the sound, but you hear it. As you inch closer, the sound is clearer, the message is starting to come through. Well, don’t get too excited. The realization of God’s call was imminent yet again, but my caution to hear it was stronger than the calling. However, it’s good to know that God doesn’t give up easily on us. Sipping That Lukewarm Jonah Water Now, it was 2011. I’ve messed up enough on my own and I needed an escape from my own doing. So where do I turn? I turn to Bible college. What did I think was going to happen here? It was here that God’s call came out a little bit louder. “Chris, why are you running? Are you done serving yourself?” But, through this calling, I decided to give God part of myself. I became lukewarm. I was neither hot nor cold. I let God put the right woman in front of me. I drew closer than I was to God, but I never fully surrendered. I was sipping on that lukewarm Jonah water. The constant running from God stirred an unsettling in my life. Nowhere we went and no change that came upon me and my life felt good enough. In 2013, I married Alicia. We forcefully tried to make life work in Fort Myers, Florida at that time, but to be honest, my heart wasn’t ready for all these changes. Our marriage started off poorly and I had little compassion to any of Alicia’s thoughts and ideas. I ran our marriage the way I wanted it to be. I’m sure Alicia was lonely. She sought comfort and compassion outside what I was offering her. She found ways to be faithful to me, but I made it hard for her to find submission to my leadership. (Or lack of it anyways). After our forceful move to Belmont North Carolina, we started attending my old church Promised Land Baptist in Gastonia. I still had a desire to teach. So, I sought out Pastor Blankenship to teach the young adults class. This wasn’t exactly what God was calling me to do, but I felt as if I could fill His calling with this instead. I was so wrong. As much of a blessing as it was, I found that I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I was still being lukewarm. To make this story a bit shorter, I walked away from teaching as I was doing it for the wrong reasons and trying to fill a void rather than surrendering. The Whale is Being Called to Swallow Me Up After about a year, we made the decision together to move to Saint Petersburg, Florida. This was a huge step in God’s calling, but yet again it was another chance for me to run. The move to Saint Petersburg did a lot for our